I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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