i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
