never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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