the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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