party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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