Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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