it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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