Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
