I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
