i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You ate ashes out of my bong
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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