I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
is that a dick in a sweater?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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