This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
