your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
