Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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