1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
