So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
