yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
