Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
