She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
