The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
