I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
