I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
