im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize