i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
