Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
