my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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