I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
