Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
