I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
