I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
