i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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