I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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