im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
