ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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