btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
