Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Panties = found
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
