I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
