Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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