i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
