Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
