Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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