I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
