remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
