yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
