She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
