my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
