How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
