Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
