you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
