We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
