my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
