we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
