My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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