you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize