just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
