Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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