So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize